Not very functional, is it?

Posted: May 18, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

We all get pushed…around I mean, even if we don’t actually know it. It can be as simple as our kids wanting more than is good for them, and we give into them, or something quite serious like surrendering our will to someone else’s, despite the voice inside saying, ‘hey this isn’t in your best interests’ or ‘this isn’t remotely near what I want or need’. And that’s called a mistake that in hindsight you’ll probably regret.

The reason we get pushed  is merely that we’ve given our power away to someone else’s needs, wants, desires…even games, at the expense of our self and our best interests. Every time that voice inside says, ‘I don’t want to do this’ or ‘this is not in my best interests’, and we don’t speak up, then we lose our self determination.

But losing your ability to make the decisions that are in your best interests, and subjucating your needs for someone else’s, leads to resentment and disappointment and that’s…well…dysfunctional.

Of course, we all need to give and take. That’s a given and we need to keep up with our responsibilities. But sometimes when boundaries are pushed too far, too often, it’s time to speak up or to simply say ‘no’. If we stay silent then we risk being dishonest and bringing the very dysfunction into our lives we are trying to avoid.

I have spent years learning how to say ‘no’. I’m still not all that good at it, but I try. I say ‘no’ when things appear to get ridiculous. That’s my litmus test. If what I’m being asked to do is ‘ridiculous’ then I say ‘no’. I should qualify here that it takes a lot for something to go from normal to ridiculous. When it does, it’s just plain offensive so I feel justified in saying ‘no’.

I’m not sure why saying ‘no’ is so hard for so many but I think it’s a combination of not wanting to offend someone, being ‘fearful’  of possible consequences, and a genuine but misplaced desire to help another. In the past, I have preferred to say ‘yes’ than confront this complexity.

How wrong I was for so many years. All I ended up doing was running myself ragged for everybody else’s self interest, whether that be at home or in the workforce. But I’ve gotten a lot more intolerant of imposition now, and it’s easier to say ‘no’ because in reality there are no consequences in doing the right thing by yourself. Once you say ‘no’ and mean it, that’s the end of the argument really isn’t it?

So put your hand up next time someone is being unfair and say ‘no’ but most of all mean it. It just makes life a lot more simple and that’s good.

 

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