Finding freedom

Posted: September 15, 2013 in Uncategorized
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When I was at uni I fell in love, rather passionately, with the existential writers, particularly Jean Paul Sartre and Albert Camus. The  fact they were writing about how I had felt all my life, was the most incredible of revelations.

That you could be isolated  in a world that was both absurd and indifferent had not been lost on me, and that to live on the edge and try and make sense out of what can only be described as often bizarre behaviour, situations and systems…well, I thought I was the only one who noticed.

That’s how I felt; very different from everyone else at that stage of my life. That was until I read Albert Camus’ The Plague and Jean Paul Sartre’s The Wall. At once I saw truthfulness sit down beside absurdity; such sharp observations in those writings that I saw at once just how peculiar people, and life, can be. It was at that moment I understood that I was not the absurd, rather a spectator of the absurd.

Mind you, that is not to say that people, life and situations are not incredibly wonderful at times. It’s just that sometimes life can border on the senseless and the illogical. And you are left speechless in its wake.

Uni days aside, now that I have grown from that rebellious young adult, into that rebellious middle aged, married mum of three, I still catch a glimpse of Camus’ existential world – every now and then. When I do, I smile a half smile and walk on by, to the next situation where I hope there is meaning.

And that brings me to freedom. For the existential writers, freedom was the ideal and something to be attained because to be truly free was to be above the meaningless. In freedom you found yourself, and in yourself you found freedom.

 “In freedom you found yourself, and in yourself you found freedom.”

If someone was to ask me what was the most important thing to me, personally (family and children aside), I would have to say freedom. In the end, just like at uni, I am always striving for freedom.

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